Link gets bodied.

Ask Josh: The xxx of Our Lives

by / 0 Comments / 105 View / July 11, 2015

Have you seen the new Mad Max and, if so, what do you think?
-Richard, Los Angeles

I can finally answer this question! It was legit, great, and the most metal thing put to celluloid. It’s basically “Fast & the Furious” crossed with a steampunk Dungeons & Dragons campaign: a two hour car chase sequence that pretty much refuses to stop while just touching on all sorts of world building lore that we just accept via context. Like, there’s a giant cobbled together truck (like every other vehicle in the movie) that has about nine drummers bashing their drums on the back of it while a dude is wailing on a guitar that shoots blood engulfed in fire. It’s pretty much the most noteworthy film released in cinemas thus far this year, barring “Aloha,” which features Emma Stone playing an Asian woman. Really.

Why don’t parents pay attention to the ESRB ratings anymore?
-Whitney, Killeen

I don’t think parents ever paid attention to them in the first place. Parents barely engage themselves with the media they let their kids consume, and this isn’t some recent phenomenon. Look, my side job (among several) is in tech sales. Parents ask me all the time about educational apps for kids, but it’s irrelevant because it will be difficult for a child to learn from those milquetoast number games and reading exercises without any sort of external guidance. That’s beside the point though, because these parents are just trying to give these kids something to preoccupy them. Unfortunately, convenience isn’t education.
Which I get. You’re an adult, with adult problems, and adult time constraints. Reviewing individual games, movies, TV shows, books, or even the nutrition facts for the food you buy your kids, can be a time consuming process when you have the navigate a budget and reconcile it with your obligations. Sometimes you literally can’t spare a half hour to check the ESRB rating on a game and scan through reviews of that game to find out if any of the content in it is objectionable to you.
I think parents should make an effort to engage their kids on their hobbies and what they’re entertained by though. That means talking about what’s in a game, or movie or show, and pointing out what’s accurate and what isn’t. It also means linking ideas introduced in kids’ media that can be applied or examined elsewhere: movies or games that act as literary analogues to classic works, or historical events.
(My dad taught me a lot of random history. My mom taught me a lot of random literature. This method of parenting produced me, and I’m pretty alright, so I’m kind of biased here.)

I got stiffed on a date recently. Got real hot and heavy too. Yet she totally flaked. Possible insights? It was through Tinder.
-Anonymous

That’s because you were using Tinder. It’s made of disappointment and cynicism. Do not make this mistake again. If you want a more elaborate answer, it’s either because her profile was made of treachery and lies and she never had any intention of actually meeting you, or she played the dozens and decided to hook up with someone more swole than you. Or maybe she was a bot. Just do what you can to reclaim your dignity and uninstall Tinder. Just do what actual adults do and browse Meetup for activities you’re ill-suited to attend so you have funny stories to tell.