Dear Josh: A Life of Rejection

by / 0 Comments / 57 View / October 15, 2015

What do I do to get over the girl that said she didn’t like me?

Geez. What makes you think I’m an expert at rejection or anything? Are you implying that this topic is something I’m well versed at? Well, it’s not! But I can at least fill you in on what I’ve HEARD about this.

Return to your room. Leave the lights off save for the gentle dim of your computer monitor. Watch YouTube channels featuring other cute girls who might vaguely resemble the one who rejected you. Wallow in the sensation of being inadequate. Eat lots of junk food to quell the demons that now haunt you from within. Take a walk outside in the middle of the night and let the sting of the howling wind lash at you. Go beneath a bridge and punch the steel beams until your knuckles are bruised. Scream until you no longer feel pain. Cry until the tears won’t fall. Finally, go to sleep. (Preferably in your own bed but if you decide to pass out under the bridge that’s fine too.) Now, after you awaken from the self-inflicted punishment, you may become a new man. You have fallen as a miserable dredge but you rise to a new dawn!

Don’t do that. That’s a high school maneuver. The responsible thing for me to say is that it’s alright and attraction is this really fluid thing that’s difficult to pin down. Maybe you just weren’t appealing to her physically, which is something you can easily adjust with being a bit more fashionable. Maybe there’s something else going on that you can’t directly control so that’s not your responsibility. The point is, don’t take this as a loss or any sort of invalidation of who you are. After all, you’ve probably broken a few hearts of your own, haven’t you ladykiller? Focus on you and make yourself happy. Things eventually fall into place, I promise.

My girlfriend and I recently went engagement ring shopping. Secretly I bought the ring she picked out already and am waiting for the right time to ask. However, later (through my own fault) I revealed my price ceiling, which made her rethink her decision and shop more. Should I keep the ring I’ve already bought? Should I tell her? She is thinking about going back to the same shop to look for others, and this was a one of a kind!
-Committed Consternation

Wow, look at you getting into the whole advice column vibe with a signature like that! Seriously though, this question I’m not an expert on (either), but if you’re going engagement ring shopping, I’m assuming that the whole surprise proposal bit is out of the way? Since the element of shock is no longer in play, she expects you to be transparent about your plans now. Considering you have now done away with that fairy tale moment, you’ve got nothing to gain from being secretive now. Just show her you bought the ring already and be prepared for a browbeating in fiscal responsibility.  She’ll probably get over it and keep it of course, but thinking about it, you kind of goofed by not letting her all the way in on this major decision and waiting even longer will just prolong the goof.

Please submit any questions (serious or satirical) to I might answer them for fun. Probably not for profit. Or you can call our office and I might just pick up and answer a question for you! That’s happened before!