This cold weather has a lot of us down in the dumps, so I decided to forgo the usual serious subject matter in my weekly column and try to lighten your mood by telling a few jokes. Hope you enjoy.
I was coming back from visiting my son in my Miami and I stopped at a rest stop to use the bathroom. I just sat down on the toilet when I heard a voice coming from the stall next to mine, “Hey! How’s it going?” Although I was quite surprised, and I wasn’t in the habit of conversing with people in the next stall, I nevertheless answered him, “I’m fine” I said “thanks for asking.” “What are you doing?” Asked the man. To be honest I was a bit taken aback by the brazenness of this fellow, but I would never ignore anyone so I calmly answered, “I’m relieving myself. What the heck else would I be doing.” Then I heard the same voice again, “I’m going to have to call you back, some smart-Alec is answering all of my questions.” I hurriedly flushed and left.
Bob had not seen his old friends in quite a while, so he decided to pay them a visit. Sugar why don’t you sit down by the table and we’ll start supper.” Said Dorothy to her Husband of 50 years. “Sure thing,” said her husband settling himself down. “Now darling, would you like the soup first or the salad?” Questioned Dorothy. “Umm, I guess I’ll take the soup.” He responded. After a whole meal of one endearing term after another, their guest Bob couldn’t contain his curiosity any longer. Bob sneaked into the kitchen and asked, “Dorothy after all those years of marriage, do you always talk sweet to your husband like that?” Dorothy replied, “Bob, I’ll be honest with you,” It’s been five years now, I just can’t remember his name, and I am just too embarrassed to ask him!”
So there was this female business executive who was late for a meeting. She is going 85 on a street where the posted speed limit is 40. A cop pulls her over and says “maam, can I please see your license?” She says “I’m sorry, officer, but it got revoked two years ago for drunk driving.” His brow furrows and he straightens up. “Well, can I please see the registration of your car?” She says “I stole the car and I killed the driver; he’s in the trunk.” “Maam, DON’T MOVE, I’m calling for backup.” He mutters furiously into his radio… Five minutes later, half the squad pulls up, and the Chief of Police walks over to the woman’s window. “Maam, can I see your license?” he asks sternly. “Of course, officer,” she smiles demurely and pulls out a license from her purse. He squints warily at it. “This looks legitimate,” he mumbles. “Can I see the registration to this car?” She pulls it out of the glove compartment and hands it to him. “Pop the trunk for me!” the trunk opens and the chief warily approaches and looks inside, but it was completely empty… The woman brandishes a finger at the first cop and says accusingly, “And I’ll bet that liar told you I was speeding too!!”
Thinking that the presidential candidate needed to show a more human side of himself, his committee advised him to visit an old age home. Walking into the room of an old man, with the news cameras whirring, the nominee was surprised when the old man offered him some peanuts from a bowl on the table. “Thank you,” said the nominee after being offered more for the 3rd time, “why don’t you have some yourself?” “Oh, I can’t eat peanuts” said the old man, “I don’t have any teeth.” “So why do you have them?” asked the confused nominee. The old man replied, “Oh, I like to suck the chocolate off of them.”
Well, hope this brightened your day. Y’all have a great weekend and may God bless.