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Parent’s Corner: Baby Daddy

by / 0 Comments / 31 View / October 15, 2015

Dear Sue Ellen,
I have a 3 month old baby girl and I live with my parents.  My baby’s daddy don’t pay any attention to her.  Before she was born, he promised he would take care of us and now he is never around.  My parents don’t like him, but I do.  How can I get him to come back to me?
-Vanessa

Dear Vanessa,
Have you ever heard old people tell the same story over and over again?  Well…I am beginning to sound old because I am about to repeat some things I have said many times before.
We have to learn from our mistakes.  I’m not saying your precious little daughter is a mistake, but the planning that went on before she was born is not working for you.  We all make mistakes, some bigger than others.  If you can’t learn from the current situation you are in….what is the point of sending me this email?  Right?

So here are some lessons for you to learn:
1. Babies are expensive
2. Babies need 24 hour loving care
3. Babies need a mommy and a daddy
4. Babies are on their sleeping and eating schedule….not yours.
5. You live in your parent’s home, so they have some say about how you live.
6. You claim they don’t like your baby’s daddy.  There is probably a good reason.

Now….here are some questions you need to ask yourself:
1. Why did you decide to have a baby with your boyfriend (who’s no longer in the picture)?  You need to ask yourself this question so you can avoid making the same mistake in the future.
2. How long do you intend for your parents to take of you and your baby?
3. Do you have a way to take care of yourself and your baby, other than mooching off of your parents?
4. Does your baby’s daddy pay any child support?

I have given you much more information than you asked for, and you probably didn’t want to hear most of it; but I want to address one more thing.  How do you get him to come back to you?  You don’t.  Any man (or boy) that lets his baby and his baby’s mother live with her parents is clearly not ready to take on a family.  Let him go.

This is the part that I have repeated many times over the years.   I was a single parent in college (yep….I said single parent).  My favorite professor taught me to remember it’s not the mistakes we make in life, but how we recover.  Go build a life for you and your daughter.  It will be challenging, but if you learn from your mistakes you still have the hope of a full, happy life.

I hope this helps you, and the thing that will help me right now is a nap.

Please email your parenting questions to sejackson@awarecentraltexas.org and put “Parent’s Corner” on the subject line.